Copyright March 2011
You are now arriving at the planet Lacudra in your personal spacecraft, named Varney. It is an expensive spacecraft, with luxurious goth style interior, to match the unusual outer shape, which looks like a giant vampire head, flying through the darkness of space. When you reach Lacudra, you will hide your spacecraft and meet your contact by shuttle. Then, you will head out for the underground city called the No-Sky-Zone AKA Skyless. Skyless is made up of a vast network, of underground tunnels ruled by violent gangs. Your mission is to bring back the abducted Parker Peridot, daughter of CEO Nathan Peridot. Reward money is 20 million credits, enough to buy a capsule home and retire.
Skyless is a dangerous place, but your confident because you are a martial arts expert, belonging to the order of the Dark Combat Monks.
There is a cobra with a skull face on your knife handle. This is your specialty weapon, the Cobra 200 Lightning Knife, it has a hyper charged blade, that crackles a destructive, electrical discharge upon impact, combined with it's razor sharp edge, the lightning knife is feared throughout the galaxy. You smirk as you lay in your coffin bed, because you know this is gonna be one heck of an adventure.
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On planet Lacudra...
You meet your contact, a young blonde warrior girl named Tiffany. You almost burst out laughing, because her butt crack seems to be permanently on display. She knows the tunnels of Skyless like the back of her hands. She has heard rumors, of how deadly a knife wielding Dark Combat Monk is. Studying you, she notices the demonic cat face on the back of your dark purple robe. Says it gives her the creeps, as she takes you down to one of the many entrances of Skyless. You ask her if she's armed, she smiles and opens up her purple princess back pack, you see brass knuckles, a telescoping baton, tactical flashlight with an impact crown, and a survival knife complete with compass and sharpening stone.
A) Make sure nobody is following you. Did I mention you hate being followed?
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B) Time is of the essence, ask her to take a short cut, even if it's risky.
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C) Follow her and hold my breath cause she just farted big time!
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You take out your public credit card, and offer it to them as a distraction. 5 million credits makes them drool and vulnerable, so you gut open the first guy with your lightning knife switched off. Before they can react, you switch it on, slicing up the second guy into a gurgling mess, the third guy barely gets a scratch, but the electric current makes him scream in pain, the last guy runs for his life. You stop yourself from chasing after him, you want to hunt him down, using logical reasoning, you try to shut down your killer instinct. You've been trained to become a killing machine, but sometimes the off switch is difficult, so you take a moment to meditate, if not you'd end up killing Tiffany, just to be evil.
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The backstabbing pirates blast their harpoons through your boat, sinking it rapidly. Right before she completely sinks, you utter the words, "Smile you son of a bitch", and toss a Kunai (Ninja dagger) at Captain Orion, who easily dodges it. Treading water, You see the Captain standing there victoriously, he aims his Blunderbuss right at you, then gives a devilish laugh and commands his crew to take off. Leaving you at the mercy of the river. In the past you had faced a tough space pirate before. A man with a hook gauntlet hyper charged with electrons like your lightning knife. He, Ghostbeard was quite the adversary, but this Captain Orion has presented a whole different set of problems. Echoes from the Captain's singing fades by quickly... through the mountain range I go/ the stars and the moon/ they tell me where I'm going...
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You analyze the situation, and the strategic options appear inside your mind like a Chess game. Only problem is that he has more pieces. You tell Tiffany that you can't win, you toss your trusty knife aside and stand there unarmed. Taunting you, the masked monk asks if the little one is a pet and if she will deserve his special attentions, he comes in for the kill... just as you expected, you take a cut in exchange for the clinch, from there you score a take down, now in grappling range, much too close for him to use his powers on you. You roll the both of you over to your knife, snatching it quickly twisting it into him, finishing him off. Now that you survived, the fear sets in, because you realize just how close you were to getting killed, you look down and see that you have acquired the mystical ninja mask, the most valuable artifact at your monastery.
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The grotesque, death harlequin-esque Leader whooshes his guitar weapon in multiple arcs and spins showing off his skill. You don't flinch and you tell him that you have a saying back home, "If your coming on, come on!"
He responds with, "Ahhh, finally a man worth killing."
The leader begins to pass the guitar weapon from one hand to the other with a most diabolical grin.
Pushing the keypad buttons on the forearm of the gauntlet, the hand opens, revealing a super bright, magnesium flare from the palm, temporarily blinding the hulking leader. You aim and fire the gauntlet at him, a rocket propelled palm strike hits him on the chin, lifting his muscular body off the ground, for a devastating KO.
You have defeated the leader of the Neon Fools and rescued Parker, but now that little fart factory, Tiffany is missing. On your portable communicator, you contact Elizabeth the CRU (Computer Robot Unit) on your spacecraft. You ask Elizabeth for the quickest way out, her advice is to get on the underground river canal, which should be the most direct route back to the surface.
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You agree to the bout, you pull out a Chinese ring dagger for the occasion. He points his Randall made sub hilt fighting knife towards you, The Captain confidently takes a fencing stance, with a devilish grin on his face, he awaits for you to make a move. You are quite familiar with his knife fighting style of Pirata. You decide to neutralize his swash buckling sword based style, with the space gypsy style of knife fighting called Mulani Tshurii (Ghost Knife). The Captain has good form, he lunges in with speedy slashes and stabs. Unable to counter back with your knife, instead you frustrate him with numerous low kicks. Furious, the Captain takes out a small metal canister and drops it, you and Tiffany take cover thinking it's a bomb, it explodes like a Pandora's box, unleashing streams of brilliant fire streaks. Only sound and flare, a party canister. The Captain leaves in his theatrical pirate boat, and thanks to his men, he now has Parker in his custody. You hate being tricked. He calls this bout a draw but promises, that next time he will finish you off.
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Deciding to keep Parker, you tell the Captain he has no deal, but your not satisfied with losing Tiffany. Suddenly without a moments notice, you jump aboard, slashing away with your trusty knife, electrified bodies splash into the water. You snatch Tiffany, and she quickly manages to sneak in a kick to the balls of one of the Nebula Pirates. Captain Orion was thinking along the same lines as you, for he takes over your ship and makes off with Parker. You try to chase after him with his boat, but you realize too late that he was one step ahead, he had blown out the motor on his boat. You and Tiffany row your way to the ledge. Now you have to pursue them by foot. Tiffany lets out a fart of hot air.
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The base of the Wasteland Amazons is shaped like a Dimetrodon dinosaur. It is actually a moving mecha. Nastia Queen of the Amazons takes pilot of the Dimetrodon, from inside the cockpit, you get to see an epic clash of the titans. As the Dimetrodon goes head to head with the monster minotaur, but it is no match. Nastia transforms the dimetrodon into a robot, but to no avail. The head of the dinosaur-bot, pops off and transforms into a mini-bot, attacking the monster minotaur separately, trying to find a weakness. You call Elizabeth, the CRU aboard your spacecraft. You tell her to navigate the Varney down here. In no time, you see your ship, the giant vampire head, hovering above, as it docks with the Amazon's robot forming a new head. Thanks to your flux-capacitor, your spacecraft can transfer more power into the dinosaur-bot.
A) Break down the monster minotaur with hand to hand skills so it doesn't have time to fight with tricks.
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B) Use the evil laser eyes technique, even though it will render your spacecraft powerless momentarily.
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Crimsonia is deeply impressed by your fighting skills, not only will the Wasteland Amazons grant you, and Tiffany, safe passage through their zone, Crimsonia has vowed to travel along side and help you succeed in your quest. Delighted and grateful, you ask them for the whereabouts of Captain Orion's base. They tell you that Captain Orion has no base, he has many boats, and he could be on any one of them. They warn you that under his dashing gentleman demeanor, he is a very dangerous rat, who is highly skilled in Piratan, a very practical pirate knife fighting style, based from sword fencing, consisting of dirty & lethal moves. Captain Orion is also well known for being the only Skyless citizen with a working firearm, a modern Blunderbuss, it fires anything you shove down the barrel, such as sand with jagged rocks and glass pieces. A most feared and practical weapon, in this day and age where bullets are extremely expensive and scarce.
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Struggling, your dinosaur-bot catches him with the legs, in the guard position, energy levels are dropping from the core of your dinosaur-bot, it must have been from the throw. The monster minotaur continues to rattle your dinosaur-bot with punches, inside the control room feels like a devastating earthquake, Crimsonia's boobs are punching you in the face, Tiffany has her butt pressed against Crimsonia's face, she cuts the cheese and it's just chaos. If the minotaur continues to pummel your ship, you will have to detach it before it gets smashed to bits, and the dinosaur-bot will not operate as powerfully without your vampire head spacecraft.
A) Go for an arm lock, it's your last chance. The guard is a good position to break his arm from the bottom.
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B) USE THE LASER EYES! It's now or never!
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She tells you to move quickly, because the entrances are always hostile, and her gang the Cosmic Warriors can only secure it for a brief period of time. As you enter, it's a good thing she has a flashlight, because the tunnel is pitch black. She lets out a juicy fart, and then points a remote control towards a large, dark, broken hole in the wall, where you see a mechanical monster of a thing. Its a three-headed mechanical hound named Cerberus 112. She sets the Cerberus 112 on standby mode, which changes the lifeless green eyes to a menacing red.
Do you think:
A) Poseidon could take Zues.
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B) Zues is the most powerful of gods period.
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The muscular leader of the Neon Fools, snickers when you pull out your lightning knife. He says he's gonna beat you to a living death, and wear your cloak as a diaper after he's done with you. You tell him that if he needs a diaper that badly, to just ask. He laughs psycho-hysterically, and menacingly stares you down. He looks over to his punk clown ho, and licks his lip as if to signify this will be over soon. Swinging his electric guitar weapon, he charges at you with fast combos, he has too much of a reach advantage. He bashes you on the forearm, you hear the bones snap. He drops the pointy part of the guitar on your head and it's all over.
The End, owned by Guitar Weapon!
Through your communicator, Francisco tells the latest news, the CEO's daughter has been abducted by the Neon Fools, she is being transported to their base, the Fun House. Hurrying to the Fun House, you and Tiffany pass through a creepy maze of mirrors, in which you eliminate two more of the Neon Fools, with some help from Tiffany, who kicked one of them in the balls, so hard you could hear them crunch. Rapidly climbing up a lowering stair case, you see the Neon Fools running and jumping through an obstacle course about 20 feet in the air, relentlessly right on their tail, up ahead you see them make a mad dash and spring off a platform, like insane acrobats, leaping through one of five holes in a wall decorated with an evil clown face. Daring you to pursue, they turn on the lethal traps consisting of flames and blades. Tell Tiffany to stay put, you pump yourself up and go for it. Barely making it through the correct hole, it sends you down a big slide, with a circular saw at the end. Hurling yourself off the slide, dodging the saw in the nick of time, you finally get to catch your breath.
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The room is dark, suddenly a spot light hits a life size marionette, dangling with chains. Creepy music begins to play as it begins a surreal robotic dance, you feel like your in a nightmare. The dancing stops, and the marionette jumps down from the stage, it is the leader of the Neon Fools. He has a skull clown face, menacing muscular body, he glares at you, and then exhales wicked intent. He tosses you an axe handle, and calls you a worthy adversary to make it this far in the Fun House. He has a large weapon shaped like an electric guitar with spikes, perfect for bashing heads in.
A) Get rid of the axe handle and use your knife on him, after all it's your specialty.
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B) Using the hi-tech gauntlet is not cheating, this is a street fight.
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Tiffany asks you what it's like to be a legendary Dark Combat Monk. You tell her that the monastery has a big library, and you spend all day transcribing, studying, and exercising various disciplines. New comers must take a vow of silence. You start to remember the things so secret you can't tell anyone. The summoning of a demon... then torturous training you had to undergo, to tempt it into striking a deal with you, and ultimately defeat it. The dark gifts you gained were your lethal skills, your conditioned body, and the desire to kill. Oh, the prices you had to pay for these dark gifts...
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The two of you proceed further into Skyless, the tunnels now actually have lighting, and there are homeless looking people walking about. A fat, bald man with a mighty mustache, wearing pointy genie shoes, approaches you. He smells like old socks wrapped in lindenberger cheese. You notice that he has a black cane with a skull handle. With a thick middle eastern accent, he explains how it has a secret way to unlock the hidden sword inside. He wants to trade it for Tiffany. Since you don't look satisfied, he throws in a weeks worth of food ration.
A) Ignore the dumb ass.
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B) Take the sword cane from this loser.
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You reach a large open area, that use to be part of a subway, called the Food Court, an open market where you can buy, sell, trade just about anything you want including information, which is why Tiffany brought you here. There are many locals walking around like tourists at a flea market, some have new items, others are munching on, corn dogs, frito pies, fried pickles, and takoyaki (grilled octopus balls). You watch a guy trying to trade a Steven Seagal energy drink for a Yu-Gi-Oh Exodia trading card.
From the corner of your eye, you see a bizarre character approach you, a man wearing a professional wrestling mask. It is a silver mask with tear drop shapes for the eye holes. He gives you a metal suitcase and disappears. You open the suitcase later to find a hi-tech gauntlet with a small screen pad with buttons on it. It also has a letter that says:
This is a prototype of the latest war gauntlet.
It has many functions that you should find useful
in the rescue of my daughter.
I have also hired the UWN
(Underground Wrestlers Network) to aid you.
Just bring her back to me safely!
P.S. Zayt nisht meshuge!
(End of letter)
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You pull out your shank, a homemade rusted metal knife, and you tell him that you are from the Hell Cat troop of the order of the Dark Combat Monks and that you declare a shank fight. The Dragon Lord accepts, grabs a sword and breaks it in half forming his shank. Shank fight is the traditional and honorable way between two outlaw warriors to settle things.
He just stands there as you circle him carefully.
Bursting into action, he's on you so fast, he jams your defensive footwork, your lucky that your able to take slash with your hard to cut robe acting like second skin. Your leather bracelet also comes in handy taking a cut for you. It turns into a ground fight with him on top, as you resist with all your might, his shank slowly sinks down towards your throat, your arm with the shank is totally pinned down, slowly but surely, the inevitable blade is coming for your neck. Explosively you bridge him off of you, as he gets up, you sever his hamstrings and finish him off with a Rear Naked Choke Slash. Soaked in blood, you calm down your breathing and take in this moment. For you are the only one. Surge of powerful electrical force hits you in your enlightenment. You feel the earth spinning as one tiny gear, part of a vast whole universe.
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She finds a robotic computer "watch dog" named Francisco. You use your public credit card to pay him and with lots of cute lil ati-tute, Francisco tells you that Parker the CEO's daughter has been taken to Castle Wraith. Castle Wraith is the lair of the warlord known as the Dragon Lord, a mysterious man who hides his face, behind a helmet shaped like a dragon's head. He warns you that the Dragon Lord is immortal, and nobody messes with him, he suggests that you should give up your mission. You've heard of the Dragon Lord before, a perverse Samurai of unknown origins, feared throughout the galaxy, he has even quarreled with your brotherhood a few times. His Castle will be protected by a legion of fanatical followers called the Dragon Mongers. Crusaders dressed and armed in medieval attire, they call themselves the second coming of the Knights Templar.
A) Head for Castle Wraith, cause your not afraid of anything.
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B) This job is too much for you, go scout for some stupid, fearless warriors in a hostile tavern.
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Trying to get some sleep, you and Tiffany, lay down on cardboard boxes next to cold concrete walls and floors, you look up at the ceiling and it says in graffiti, "If your an outlaw or just don't like the way society is, come on down to Skyless, our semi-anarchy state should please you."
You paid an old man named Hattoo to keep a lookout, and warn you if anything suspicious happens. Hattoo likes to dance for money, his cup was pretty empty, so he was more than glad to work for you. He sings the lines "Life stinks, life stinks..." as if he's on a broadway show, tapping away, he has some moves. After a few hours sleep, the two of you head out towards Castle Wraith. Your completely surprised to see a huge castle this deep down in the underground tunnels. It looks as magnificent as it does frightening. There is a sign that reads, "Beware of Dragon".
A) Go in disguised as a guard.
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B) Yippie-ki-yay, sneak in through the air vents.
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You un-hood yourself, and say, "My name is Dumot Lamont, commander of the hell cat troops, loyal servant to the Dark Combat Monks, here to rescue Parker Peridot, and I will accomplish my mission, in this life or the next."
As you pull out your knife, the Dragon Lord removes a portion of his head ornament, the spine support/tail part which becomes a jagged club like weapon. He's swinging it around like a home run hitter and you run all over the place making him chase you. After a little while your strategy has worked, he is getting tired, his movements become slower. Your getting tired too, but nowhere near the amount the Dragon Lord is. After he makes a desperate big wide swing which you easily dodge, your able to rush him in and finish him off. You want to remove his helmet mask, but Tiffany tells you to hurry back up into the vent before the guards come in.
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You and Tiffany crawl back deep into the ventilation system away from all the rooms, isolated and safe, the two of you decide to wait things out, before heading out of the castle. There are too many guards crawling about like angry ants. Tiffany has a bad gas problem, making it 10x harder to be hiding in this super small vent. You start to sweat really bad when she mentions something about possible diarrhea, 10 min. later she mentions possible explosive diarrhea, you both start to sweat really badly. After spending what seemed like an eternity in the vent, you finally see the chance to run off and hide in a busy area.
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With Parker, just the three of you escape the battle royal, and sneak off into a tunnel. Running down the tunnel, soon you find yourselves in a maze. Going left and right, your really lost. Every tunnel way looks the same. It feels like you've been running around in circles like a lab rat.
Parker suggests to climb the walls and head upwards, instead of running around the maze, since Skyless is right under the Herlock-Sholmes metropolis.
Suddenly you are greeted with blinding lights, a custom Toyota RAV4 facing at you guys, its mean lean driving machine that runs on vegetable oil, armed with numerous long spikes welded on the hood and roof, it's the post-apocalyptic dream car. Its license plate reads DRGN SLYR. Looking like a giant porcupine, the car roars its engine, skidding its tires, it comes right at you. You have no choice but to turn left, leading you straight back towards the Castle.
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You run for the window and hurl yourself at it, using your whole body like a cannon ball, but to your humiliation, you bounce off the glass, and roll back into the room, laid out on the floor, ready to make a snow angel. The Dragon Lord looks down on you, laughing in a most wicked tone. He slowly walks over to the wall, and presses the emergency button, tons of armed guards rush in. You can see Tiffany hiding behind the vent, being afraid for you. The Dragon Lord offers you two pills. A blue one and a red one. Take the blue one and you become one of his men. Take the red one, full of venom and... well, you know...
A) Take the blue pill.
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B) Take the red pill.
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As you navigate through the busy area, looking for a place where you can get some info on the latest whereabouts of Parker Peridot, the fat bald mustached man strikes you in the back of the head with a black jack. You see a huge, muscular man, wearing a metallic, phantom of the opera style mask, grab Tiffany. Everything fades to black. You wake up tied to a cross in an alley, and you hear the fat, mustached bastard, taunting you as he takes out a machete, he slices a cut diagonally across your torso. Silently uttering the Kujikiri, a ninja mantra under your breath, they are astonished that you didn't even flinch.
A) Even though you can't move at all, try something, anything, got to escape now!
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B) Wait patiently for the right time to get back at these jerk offs.
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You stand face to face with the awesome, frightening, giant robot monster minotaur. You can just imagine the Dragon Lord looking down on you with his over confident wicked grin. He has no idea what your about to do, nor does he care, since he thinks he is invulnerable at this point. You hear from his built in speakers, "Behold, the awesome power of my giant robot, Muteki!" You switch your knife to on, and grasp it with the gauntlet and launch it to the left eye of the giant robot monster minotaur. It bounces off the eye and just as quickly as all of you hope is shattered, he picks you up with his massive hands and crushes you, and splats you down against the ground, a drop of 50 feet at 80 miles per hour.
The End, Death by Monster Minotaur Giant Robot!
You announce to them that you have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and right now your all out of bubble gum. A big African cannibal catches your eye, you tell him that he looks like a bubble gum eater, and that he better have some extra bubble gum. The big African cannibal comes up before you. He begins to slap his belly and it seems like he is psyching himself up for battle. He slowly reaches for your face with a hand size that could palm a watermelon. You slice his arm with your knife and he wails like a crazy woman. You stab him in the belly and rip it open. Most people don't understand that a knife wound isn't a clean slice, the skin explodes open and the aftermath looks like a shark attack victim. Now, several gangs are pissed off at you. The Buffalo Humpers, the Neon Fools, the Vomit Heads, and the Hobo-bobos gang. You damage as many as you can, but you get surrounded and beat up.
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The Vomit Heads are a strange gang, dressed in military fatigues. They have their own code of honor and ethics they follow. Most of them carry firearms not for shooting, but to be used as impact, and custom blade weapons.
One of them has an Ingram MAC-10 machine pistol with a jagged barrel end. You see another guy carrying a custom Uzi.
They begin to surround you, one of them hands you an AK-47 assault rifle with the triangle front sight modified into a blade. A tough looking blonde guy with a crew cut and a scar on his cheek, steps forward with an M16 assault rifle that also has a triangular sight blade. He charges at you with brute force, strong but he also has stamina, he gives you a good match, even though you outclass him in skill. Despite his aggressiveness, your able to neutralize his force by being soft, in the end you cut him deeply on the arm and he surrenders. You accept his defeat, to praise him as a warrior well fought, in front of his gang. They decide to let you pass. Tiffany leads the way deeper into the tunnel.
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As you head for the Castle, you notice how there are less and less people the further you go. There is a sign that says, "Only a Ninja can defeat a Ninja". Then you meet a person that makes you nervous real bad, wearing a dark purple robe just like you, it is another Dark Combat Monk. Hood over his head, you see glimpses of a spooky face, it is the silver Hannya (female demon) mask that you know too well. This cursed ninja mask forged by Rokurokubi, grants the user super human powers, such as night vision, and slow motion vision. However, this legendary, demon mask is possessed, for it whispers negative thoughts, making anyone who wears it, into a blood thirsty psychotic killer. That's why for the last 200 years the Dark Combat Monks had it locked up for safe keeping. Looks like somebody didn't want your troop to get credit for this mission. You automatically know that it was some high-ranking member in your order.
The masked monk slowly pulls out a Kerambit style lightning knife... the curved blade looks like a giant claw, designed to maximize edge to cutting surface area, and the tip easily hooks and rends flesh.
A) Use the hi-tech gauntlet to attack his crotch!
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B) Accept the reality that you cannot win in a contest of strength against this guy.
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C) Try to bribe this guy, after all your from the same order.
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You charge all the energy, from the vampire head, to shoot concentrated, red lasers from the eyes, to sever an arm. Crimsonia mentions how now she regrets not installing the booby rockets on the dinosaur-bot. The minotaur uses a bolo saw to remove a leg from the Amazon's robot, then the minotaur launches a flying fist that luckily misses, the Amazons transform their robot back to dinosaur form. The headless dinosaur tackles the minotaur and immobilizes it. The Varney finally restores it's energy from the laser eyes and flies off to take Parker home.
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You walk in with a sign that reads. "First one that touches me dies." You and Tiffany sit down at the bar, two guys approach you, one is a tall dirty Cro-magnon looking guy wearing a chained collar, the other is a big fat African who looks like a cannibal with stars and a moon painted on his body. A third fat guy with many scars on his forehead, appears out of nowhere, they call him the Butcher. The Butcher tells you that they are part of the gang known as the Buffalo Humpers, formerly known as the Barbarian Humpers. You ask them if they would be interested in your mission. They are the craziest most dangerous gang around. But even though totally crazy, they aren't suicidal. They recommend that you seek some other gangs.
A) Visit the Cyber Sirens. Cyber Sirens are beautiful but deadly assassins. They are the courtesans of Skyless, politically very powerful.
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B) Visit the Wasteland Amazons. Wasteland Amazons are like ghosts, rarely seen, extremely hostile and not much is known about them.
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The two of you make way to the air ventilating system of the Castle. Tiffany leads you through the claustrophobia inducing, maze of vents. Once you reach the very top floor of the main tower, the penthouse, you see her through the vents, your mission objective, Parker. Parker is a nerdy but beautiful brunette girl who's been brought up like a princess. You see Parker face to face with the Dragon Lord. They seem to be having some kind of argument. Apparently she refuses to give him his daily enema, after he leaves in anger, you call Parker over to you. She stacks a chair on the table to climb into the vent. As she does, the Dragon Lord returns, outraged by what he sees, and snatches her back down with such brute force, that it rips her dress off, you also end up falling down into the chamber. He throws Parker into a wall, that encloses her in a glass prison and then disappears from your sight, as the entire wall pivots around. Tiffany's still in the vent, and the CEO's daughter is nowhere to be seen, your now face to face with the Dragon Lord.
A) Challenge him with your knife, if you beat him, your one step closer to being the best knife fighter in the galaxy.
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B) Put on your ninja mask and use your hi-tech gauntlet.
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C) Challenge him to a shank fight! SHANK FIGHT! SHANK FIGHT!
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D) Run! To the chopper! Wait, there is no chopper, so just run!
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You quickly notice the Vomit Heads hiding nearby, they've been watching with their binoculars, and they don't like an outsider like you, that smells of trouble coming into Skyless. And they definitely don't care for Tiffany who sports a patch of the Cosmic Warriors on her leather vest. After all she is a lieutenant, one of the highest ranking, she's probably on their most wanted/hated list. As they try to ambush you two, you spit a poison red mist right in the eyes of one of them. It will blind temporarily, but cause a lot of pain and agony.
A) Run through them, they will never catch you, cause your in way better shape than any of them!
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B) Teach these punks a lesson. Ask them to make my day.
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You find a boat, operated by a small piggy robot named Boo. You pay Boo to take you and Parker to the nearest entrance of Skyless. Boo is driving happy as can be, he likes getting customers and he likes his job. Soon after, a miniature but fully functional pirate ship is chasing you. Boo says it's the ruthless gang called the Nebula Pirates. They are lead by the infamous Captain Orion Hotoriguez. Captain Orion... you know this man, a space pirate, swindler and scum of the galaxy. Charismatic in all the wrong ways. You really don't care for this kind of guy at all!
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She then leads you to a two way passage, the one in the left is clear, while the right one is nearly blocked off by many wooden planks. Entering the passage to the right, she explains that the other passage is booby trapped with multiple pitfalls. The two of you continue on, stepping over and ducking things, after you pull aside a hanging net, the passage way opens up to a wider area. Suddenly you notice, glowing neon colors moving about, you know that this is a fear tactic by some gang. She calls them out, four guys dressed like punky evil clowns show themselves, they are the Neon Fools, and they have no intention of letting anyone pass, without paying a substantial amount of dough. You see a nunchuck, jo staff, bokken, and escrima sticks, weapons you are all too familiar with.
A) Time to get busy with the knife, and unleash the demon inside you.
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B) Pretend to give them your public credit card and attack them.
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You put on the cursed ninja mask, he can't touch you, because now you can see all of his moves in slow-motion. You blast the gauntlet to his middle head, and nail him in the abdomen with your switch blade shoe, slice and dice him with your lightning knife, you even impale the bastard with your skull cane sword, yet nothing seems to work. You jokingly wonder if garlic and crucifix would work better. Tiffany repeatedly ball kicks him, sticks the survival knife into his back, and repeatedly brass knuckle punches him to the crotch, the mighty Crimsonia stabs him countless times with her spear, but to no avail.
A) This dude is more invulnerable than a werewolf! Forget trying to kill him, just look for a way to escape.
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B) If it bleeds, we can kill it! He has to have a weakness somewhere, keep attacking him!
Go to 70
You take his sword cane and tell him to beat it. He tries to stab you with a butterfly knife, but you kick it out of his hand, he starts tapping the tip of his shoe, loading the hidden weight into the tip, you point to your shoe and make the switch blade pop out, he gives up cursing. You take his public credit card and a large shank, upon closer examination, this random piece of metal shaped into a knife, is actually well made, in a mission like this, you never know when it will come in handy. The graffiti on the wall says, Greed is for amateurs. Disorder, chaos, anarchy: now that's fun!
Go to 18
You start your speech, "I look around and all I see are dirty lazy stupid gross stinking useless gross perverts, I know I said gross twice and I meant it both times, anyone want to make their life useful for a change and go save a life?"
They tell you to get the hell out. Drinks are thrown at you, a hairy Cro-magnon looking guy tries to take Tiffany, she uppercuts him in the balls with her brass knuckles, and hammer fists him in the face, with the crown of her tactical flashlight. Raged, the Cro-magnon head butts a wooden table in two. You take out an empty public credit card, telling them it has 5000 credits, slowly backing out, you tell them, they can have it in exchange, for letting the two of you walk out in peace. You reach the double doors, and toss the card out to the middle, big desperate guys make a run for it. A brawl ensues. Safely outside with Tiffany, you take out the one pineapple grenade you have, and toss it in. Grenades are extremely expensive, and astonishingly rare, but oh well, you did society a favor. KABOOM!
Go to 30
They are trying to get close enough to board you, but Boo's boat the SUPER-8 has Blue Wolf turbine thrusters and easily out maneuvers the pirate ship the Mary Queen. Frustrated, Captain Orion changes tactics, using his megaphone, he threatens to make Tiffany walk the plank. You tell Boo to stop the boat. You really don't want to give up Parker, but you can't let Tiffany die. Parker wants to be with you, but not at the expense of Tiffany, she begs you to consider, and offers herself for the safety of Tiffany.
A) Trade for now, with Tiffany on your side, you can go get Parker anytime.
Go to 4
B) Keep Parker, forget Tiffany.
Go to 8
As you both swim for the ledge, three beautiful women, magically appear swimming along side you. They assist you to safety in such a serene moment. As you all get out of the water and onto land, they swarm you with sensuous comfort, their soft silky hands run up and down your chiseled body, each one of them tries to lock eyes with you, charming you, they give you a change of clothes, and offer you some tasty dried fruit. They seem very affectionate and sweet but you notice they are hiding something, and they reek of malicious intention...
Go to 50
Totally lost, you've been walking for quite some time now, before you can check where you are, you are surrounded by a bunch of angry looking, female warriors, they all have the same patch on their jean/leather vest. They are a gang living in the newly excavated caverns, the out skirt areas of Skyless. Rarely seen, the lost tribe is known as the Wasteland Amazons. You and Tiffany are surrounded by spears, the Amazon Queen, Nastia Slutskavich introduces herself. They take all of your belongings including your clothes. Tiffany is impressed and quite curious by your tattoos. The crowned rhino on the right forearm, is the Dark Combat Monk shield, the flaming demonic cat face on the left forearm, is the insignia of your troop the Hell Cats.
Go to 90
With Tiffany and Crimsonia at your side, you head towards the Cathedral area of Castle Wraith. Heavily guarded, and all prepped up for the wedding ceremony, there you see the unbelievable, what appears to be the Dragon Lord, is alive and well indeed. Fully clad in metallic armor, looking like a robotic version of his former self. Then, you find the moment you've been waiting for. A bunch of masked wrestlers jump the Dragon Lord, they are the crew from the Underground Wrestlers Network. You see a guy wearing a white suit jacket, silver mask, and an elbow pad with a big spike protrusion, he jumps off of a gargoyle with a magnificent flying elbow strike, aimed directly for the neck of the Dragon Lord. As the masked man is flying down, his mask brilliantly flutters, changing rapidly from one mask design to the next, covering 20+ different mask designs, forming a shiny optical illusion, and a great distraction that has the Dragon Lord mesmerized. The elbow cracks the armor with one blow, and a three headed Dragon Lord appears from underneath, he was wearing an over body suit. The shiny masked man tries his flying elbow again but totally misses, falling a long way down, setting the record for the hardest suicidal belly flop you've ever seen. The Dragon Lord tosses a man wearing a tiger mask over the balcony, as the three of you run towards the action. After kicking a few balls, Tiffany grabs Parker, while Crimsonia helps you fight off the guards.
A) Cobra! retreat! Run off to a nearby tunnel.
Go to 24
B) It's mayhem time, everyone's Kung Fu fighting!
Go to 55
Heading for the natural cavern base of the Wasteland Amazons, you find yourselves surrounded by the Hobo-bobos, lead by Ben Lin, one of the 4 heads of the Hobo-bobos. He challenges you to a hand to hand fight, winner keeps Miss Parker. Wearing a full body track suit, he jumps around in Gung Fu stances yelling WHOA. He has speedy eye jabs and foot jabs that are just a blur. You exchange blows with him using your Muay Thai Kickboxing skills. You dodge his rib cracking side kick to grab his head for some knees, but he military bench presses you up over his head with super human strength. He slams you down hard and barely misses your head and neck with a double foot stomp. You spring up and try to tie him up again, he launches you off your feet with an inch punch. You take out your lightning knife, he takes out his nunchaku but then he says, "You know this bout is a draw man, I leave you in peace my brother."
Finally, you return to the Wasteland Amazon base. Before you can rest, a giant robot beings to attack. The mechanical skyscraper looks like an evil minotaur with a glowing brain, and skeletal spiked ribs. The voice of the Dragon Lord thunders across the cavern base. High up in the cockpit of the towering minotaur, the Dragon Lord demands that you surrender Parker Peridot to him immediately.
A) Run with the Wasteland Amazons and help them get to safety.
Go to 9
B) Use your hi-tech gauntlet and aim for the eye where The Dragon Lord is piloting this behemoth.
Go to 27
Your vampire headed, dinosaur-bot moves with the grace translated from you. It side kicks the monster minotaur, and follows up with an elbow strike. The minotaur throws your dinosaur-bot with an ippon-seoi-nage, your glad that the arm didn't rip out of it's socket. It tries to do it again, and you defend by pivoting and lowering the weight of your dinosaur-bot, face to face now, the minotaur head butts your vampire head spacecraft, you grab the minotaur by the horns, and throw some devastating knees, rattling the inside mechanisms. The minotaur charges forward taking your dinosaur-bot down and begins to drop heavy blows.
A) Now it's time to use the laser eyes before it's too late!
Go to 31
B) Dead even so far, the one with the stronger will wins, so keep fighting and don't give up.
Go to 11
You go for an arm lock, unbelievably, the monster minotaur lifts you up and slams your dinosaur-bot to the ground. He follows with an even more devastating choke-slam. He gets in the mount position, and pummels your spacecraft, until it finally detaches from the dinosaur-bot body. He grabs the Varney, your beloved, vampire head spacecraft, and begins to chomp on it. Like a true Captain, you go down with your ship. You go down in flames uttering the words, mobilis in mobili!
Mission Failed, Pequod Ending
Tiffany tells you to hold on, she grunts, and let's out a long helicopter fart, after a sigh of relief, she continues that she knows of a good place and takes you to CRUDBUCKERS. The local joint for gross food and even grosser company. The restaurant across the street says CRUDFUCKERS and she says you don't want to go there. Heading towards CRUDBUCKERS, she warns that this place can get a little rough. As you enter through the double doors, all scoundrel eyes are you. Remember first impression is important.
A) Call out the toughest mofo in the house and beat the snot out of him.
Go to 28
B) Announce your mission and ask for any takers.
Go to 39
C) Squint your eye and grit your teeth, then flash your knife and sit down like the rest of them, even though you stick out like a sore thumb.
Go to 32
His trench knife has a brass knuckle hand guard, a triangle shaped blade, that makes wounds difficult to stitch, making it a formidable weapon, for close quarters combat. He comes at you fast and aggressive, but you can see everything he does in slow motion thanks to your ninja mask. You blast the gauntlet, it chops the nerves dead in his arms. Switch the lightning knife to on, you go to town on him. The mask encourages you to go serial killer on him. After you see a bloody mess, you know that you have won. Your tempted to remove his mask.
A) Take a little tiny peek, who am I kidding? No, let's take a huge peek and upload his real face all over the internet.
Go to 60
B) Quit wasting time, let's get the hell out of here!
Go to 23
As you set the coordinates towards planet Silum, you have a date with Parker. Hours later, you find yourself seated before her, in a fancy restaurant. It's dimly lit, from your booth you see many prestigious people dining away. Parker asks you to kidnap her. Shocked, you ask what this is all about. She tells you that her father's corporation has been creating weapons for war. These new, state of the art weapons have been used to slaughter millions of innocent civilians. She knew that the Dragon Lord would ransom enough money that it would cripple her father's corporation. And now, she wants you to do the job.
Later you receive a message from the Dragon Lord, he is now called Kaizer, a centaur with 5 heads, and 4 arms. The middle head is a horned cyclops, there is a skull face to the side. The message says: "You have only made me stronger, when I find you, I'll make you regret ever being born."
At the base camp of the Cyber Sirens, sensuous women surround you,while singing a sweet hymn they take you to their leader, Christine, a powerful looking blonde wearing a robe. The model like beautiful women start chanting over and over, "Daddy do you want some sausage?" The blonde leader Christine, takes center stage and silences her crew, then she gloriously disrobes in front of all of you to reveal that she is in fact a he. Christine declares you as her sex slave. You will not be able to complete your mission or even get back to your spacecraft... for it's going to be a hard long while until you can escape. And your anus is gonna be really huge by then.
Really Really Gay Ending
Out of nowhere you remove your disguise and yell out bravo as you clap really hard. You talk about how awesomely, magnificently, powerfully, royally, stupid he is and then spray him with your poison green mist, unfortunately it does nothing because he is wearing a mask. Now your in big trouble. He challenges you to a knife duel. He pulls out his trench knife and coats it with Dubois' sea snake poison. You coat your knife with neurotoxin from Fugu, Japanese puffer fish. Once the bout begins, cautiously slashes are made, with lots of fainting and circling around. You pull out another knife to use as a shield. You fling your knife at him, as he deflects it, you use your switch blade shoe to slash his knee and then stick him in the body, but the guards finish you with their short spears. At least you took the Dragon Lord with you, or so you think...
You think about the switchblade in your shoe, but your legs are tied up too, when the mustached bastard comes to hurt you again, you spray him right in the eye with a blue mist, making him scream, then you see Tiffany slay the big muscle man wearing the metallic half mask, she let's out a fart of victory, and then sets you free. You follow her through another tunnel, you gotta admit, your starting to get use to her flatulence. You grab your stuff and go. The mustached bastard comes chasing with a short spade used for trench warfare. You pull out your knife and say to him, "I know what your thinking, does this guy have the energy to fight back after the beating I gave him? Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not sure that I do. But being that this is a Cobra 200 Lightning Knife, the most powerful close range weapon in the galaxy, and would run a 200 volt electrical current directly into you for an instant heart attack, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well do ya, punk?". The mustached bastard drops his spade.
Go to 18
Thanks to Tiffany and Crimsonia, they have defeated the mighty Dragon Lord. They are currently aboard your spacecraft Varney, to help you deliver Parker back to her father. In the mean time, your Computer Robot Unit Elizabeth is attending to your injuries. In the back ground, you hear the girls making lots of noise, they are having a blast playing the latest video game, Dance Shoot Punch Revolution. The Varney travels through the majestic regions of space with the Milky Way in it's back drop, playing loud music, even from a distance it looks like lots of fun, going on inside the metal vampire head spacecraft.
You take out your public credit card, offering it to him. He takes it, and front kicks you in the stomach. As you crouch in pain, a roundhouse kick to the head floors you, he goes after Tiffany, you unlock your shuriken from your belt buckle, and hurl the ninja star, sticking it into his back. You muster all your strength to do a double leg take down for his legs, what he didn't see, was that you also threw your knife at his face. The knife knocks his mask off. Lucky hit. Now the fight is even. Drums of adrenaline beat inside your hot blood, you can hear the screech of a hawk, and just imagine it echo throughout the canyons below, sending fear to any prey. In other words, your in the zone now.
Go to 95
Tiffany is kicking balls, Crimsonia impales a guard with her poison tipped spear, and then lifts him, hoisting him up, just because she can. You see a wrestler, with a gold & silver mask, jump up into a spinning flurry onto a guard, with a head scissors takedown, transitioning into a Fujiwara armbar.
Crimsonia uses her spear like a javelin to save your butt from a distance. She pulls out another one to fight off a guard. All she needs to do is nick her opponents and let the poison do the rest. And if that doesn't work, she has her stone hand axe for CQC (Close Quarters Combat). You narrowly dodge a battle axe and slice his arm so deep that it severs his tendons.
Go to 93
You creep up towards the castle, and Tiffany lures two guards by pretending to be interested in them. You easily dispatch of such distracted minds. Quickly putting on their outfits, to enter the Castle disguised as guards. Inside there is a throne, and you see the Dragon Lord facing a challenger, a large asian man armed with a ballistic knife, he has a long, braided, ancient Chinese style pony tail. He starts to kick a marble pillar with his rock hard shins. From his knife, he shoots the spring operated, detachable blade right at the Dragon Lord, it hits the shoulder pad, the ponytail man then whips out a butterfly knife, and goes in for the kill. The Dragon Lord faking to be hurt, counters with his menacing trench knife. The man with the pony tail drops like a sack of potatoes.
A) After that display you decide to keep pretending like a guard and search for Parker.
Go to 33
B) You decide to reveal yourself and be the next challenger.
Go to 22
C) Pretend to praise him and then spray him with your poison mist.
Go to 51
Since then you have left the monastery and the vampire head shaped, Varney spacecraft has been your new home. After you rescued and returned Parker Peridot, you have become a wealthy man. Tiffany has now joined the Wasteland Amazons. You were so grateful to the Wasteland Amazons, for all their help, and gave them a large sum of credit.
You've made it this far in the journey, I have an honorable compromise. Just walk away. Close this book, and know that you made it safe to the end. Just walk away and you can say that you beat this book. Just walk away and call it a happy ending.
A) Just walk away.
B) Go to 49
You find yourself running, you heard that running is the number one activity for tourists down here in Skyless, and in no time your alone. Where the heck have you come to? And more importantly is this area safe? You look around to see. Suddenly a three-headed mechanical dog attacks you. It chomps you viciously, and relentlessly, you know the damage done is severe, but the pain is fading, and you start to feel distant and cold... You realize now that you were wrong to think you could do this alone.
Disgusted with your lack of courage, they send forth Zana, a smaller woman with short dark hair. According to the custom, if she wins, you are to marry her. Zana flexes her arms with confidence, flashing her dark bushy armpit hair. The match begins, she is fast and agile. The oil all over her body makes it difficult to control her. She slips away and tries to finish you with a choke from behind. You are about to pass out, but instead of panicking, you close your eyes and relax, you repeat the Kujikiri mantra over and over, until you feel her grip loosen, to narrowly escape. She is too much so you stall her. The Amazons become mad as hell. They stop the match, stating that you have fought dishonorably. Someone clubs you behind the head. On the floor, everything begins to fade to black. They take you to their village and restrain you on a bed. Tied up completely helpless and connected to a sperm pump, that milks you twenty four seven... non stop. You look over to the bed next to you, and see a ghastly man in his 50s, you don't want to know how long he's been captive, connected to that sperm extracting machine... now you know how the Wasteland Amazons continue their population... by exogamous reproduction.
You unscrew the bolts, that connect the head piece, to his shoulder plating. Once that is removed, the face mask comes off. You were not prepared to see this... before you, underneath the Dragon Lord armor this whole time, is none other than the high ranking, former Vice Bishop Ardred, of your Dark Combat Monks monastery. He was supposedly murdered a long time ago, which caused a big scandal at the order back then. You are reminded once again, of how corrupt the Dark Combat Monks are...
A) Something's fishy, go back to the monastery.
Go to 89
B) Something just tells you to continue with the mission.
Go to 23
And there you see the Dragon Lord waiting for you. He has morphed again, this time in his chariot mode, you see a different helmet, his entire lower body, now enclosed in sculpted metal horse legs complete with a tail. Looking like a demi-god, the Dragon Lord has become a living centaur, with wheels next to his hoofs, there will be no escaping him now.
A) You killed him once, yet here he is, he must be immortal, I'm gonna run.
Go to 25
B) Fight him in mortal combat, one of you is going to die. Let's settle this once and for all!
Go to 37
C) Split up, there's only one of him, this is the best way to confuse him.
Go to 69
Wearing the demon mask, the unknown monk stands in front of you, menacingly.
You open the suitcase, pull out the hi-tech gauntlet, you press some buttons and it flips the bird at the masked monk. He comes to attack with his knife, you launch the gauntlet at him. It punches his shoulder leaving him off balance, you set your lightning knife to on, you rush in with intricate slashes, he parries with perfection, nobody's that good, you know its because of the mask. He puts you in a straight arm-lock as he dodges your thrust, your elbow pops, then he twists your wrist making you cut your own throat...
You have been replaced by someone more capable, because you are now obsolete. End of transmission.
End of Mission
Captain Orion commands the pirate with the gunstock war club, to get you. Using peripheral vision, you see the captain with a knife in mouth, sneaking towards your blind spot as if cornering a wild dog. You stab a pirate so violently he instantly goes limp, using the body as a shield, you face the captain. Tiffany suddenly emerges out of nowhere, but your glad to see her. Clenching her brass knuckles, and baton, she is ready to kick some more balls.
At this point, Captain Orion smiles, and decides to take another approach. He offers what he calls, a solution to the small misunderstanding. A one on one knife fight, winner takes the girl.
A) Accept the challenge like a man and put this chump out of his misery.
Go to 7
B) He's not worthy to do battle with me, ignore this ignoramus!
Go to 40
On your communicator, you contact the cutey-cute head Francisco, for the the latest word on the street. He tells you that Captain Orion has sold Parker back to the Dragon Lord. You are bewildered, because you know for a fact, that with your very own hands, you killed the Dragon Lord. What the heck is going on? Night of the returning dead? Francisco tells you to hurry, because the Dragon Lord is planning to wed Parker Peridot on Galactic TV.
Go to 43
You take the blue pill, and suddenly you feel yourself being flushed out, back into the deep folds of your mind. You are no longer you, but a distant memory, no, not even that, your former self just a dream you never had, yet there is something that feels left out, unfinished, the more you try to reach for it the more it is forgotten, you stand in attention, emotionless as you look out your guard mask and hail the Dragon Lord as he takes command upon his throne. You have been promoted to a Cleric to enforce conformity.
You have no choice but to take the pill, venom so toxic it will kill a man in seconds. You swallow it, everyone looks on... screaming in agony, your gut is wrenched, you spasm on the floor and then you vomit, your body has rejected the poison. Nobody here knows that, since a young age, you have been taught to drink poison little by little, with proper care and ancient teachings, over time, your body has learned how to tolerate and reject poison. For this is, part of the secret method, to mastering the Ninja poison blade style. You start laughing as everyone stands there in shock. You strike out with your knife, Tiffany jumps out to help, smashing balls and faces with her telescoping baton, but mostly balls. You throw your shank at the Dragon Lord with all your might, and it miraculously sticks him.
Go to 23
Reluctantly she takes you to another entrance. Waiting is Linda, also a member of the Cosmic Warriors, and also with a permanently exposed butt crack. She challenges Tiffany for her rank. Tiffany takes a fighting stance, immediately you recognize her style, Sylphing, invented by a genius, legendary female martial artist, back in ancient times. It combines many dance styles with parkour, and specializes in light weapons. She attacks Linda with precise high kicks, that require a lot of flexibility, and discipline. Linda returns a kick simultaneously, their legs cross, and they fall down ass to ass, clamping down really hard, Tiffany squeezes with her lean legs doing the scissor, besting her challenger.
A) Your impressed, follow her.
Go to 12
B) Show her how good of a fighter you are.
Go to 34
Crimsonia stabs him with her spear, bouncing up and down, grunting like a mad woman with all her might. By this time, Tiffany has used all of her weapons on his crotch, and even let out a stinky fart in his face just to keep attacking.
Crimsonia and Tiffany, continue their onslaught, but nothing seems to take effect, you look around for anything to improvise with, and see a glimmer of hope, desperately, you blast the gauntlet towards a massive, gargoyle decoration by the ceiling, it collapses, tumbling down onto him like a ton of bricks, at this point, you don't care if it killed him or not, your just happy that it buys you enough time to get the heck out of there!
Go to 44
As you all split up, the Dragon Lord chases after you and Parker. He is too fast in his Centaur form. He tackles you hard, the powerful force hurls your body, smashing you against the tunnel wall, you feel ribs break. He eyes Parker and turns towards her. Your body has taken too much damage, you can't get up. Right when you think it's all over, you see Tiffany and Crimsonia, driving the spiked RAV4. They roar the engine and honk, the centaur Dragon Lord growls at them, they step on the gas, hitting him over the car. He crashes down to the floor like road kill.
Go to 53
Then from the dark corner, is a Dark Combat Monk! He's wearing a shiny silver demonic mask. He injects you with something, you feel cold, you don't feel good, he wickedly laughs and leaves. You feel sick and helpless, as you fade in and out of consciousness, you see Tiffany rescuing you, she nurses you back to health, they really did a number on you, for it takes weeks until you can walk again, your angry that you failed the mission, but glad that now you can make babies with a sweet girl. Laying in bed, tucked under a comfy cover, your hair done in pigtails, birds begin to chirp, and somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.
Tiffany leads you deep down into a network of tunnels, you see lots of non gang people traveling about, she tells you that many of the locals hang out here, because its a no-war zone, one of the safest places in Skyless, if a gang violates a no-war zone all other gangs team up to punish them.
Once you reach the area known as the "Food Court", she looks for a cute lil puppy robot named Francisco. He tells you that the Dragon Lord has Parker prisoned in his iron fortress, Castle Wraith. She then takes you to meet up with her gang, the Cosmic Warriors. They bring out a crate full of cargo boxes filled with all kinds of materials such as books, clothes, and entertainment discs. They tell you that this is going to be a gift to the Dragon Lord. Then they show two empty cargo boxes in the mix where you and Tiffany are going to hide, good old, trojan horse tactic, you like how they think, it puts an evil grin on your face.
Go to 74
The Dragon Lord shows off his Ice Maiden, it is Parker encased in a glass crystal chamber. You are taken to a completely hollowed out, tower with smooth walls. The top is open and you can see the Skyless dome, you feel like you are trapped in the body of an ICBM. You remove the ring on your finger, and pull it wider to form the halo, you press the button and it glows and floats above your head. You grab onto it, and it slowly lifts you up until eventually you reach the top of the tower. You hold onto the halo, as if it were a parachute, and jump off, and it slowly descends, as if you were wearing a dive suit, sinking into deep water. If you were wearing a dress, others would argue that you were more like Mary Poppins and her umbrella coming down from the clouds.
You go back to the vents and meet up with Tiffany.
Go to 75
Isabella is the sister of Captain Orion. She-devil of the seven rivers of Skyless. Her brother Captain Orion is known to screw his crew members, she is known for the same thing, but in a different way, resulting in the most loyal brigade she can assemble.
Licking her lips and fluttering her eye lashes at you, Isabella states that she wants a specific high quality merchandise from you, specifically, Parker Peridot. You tell her that is a no can do, and ask her for a different deal that would allow you to pass her waters. Winking heavily, she hints out that perhaps if you play your cards right, she just might offer a compromise.
A) Isabella's obviously crazy, don't want to piss her off, just give her Parker.
Go to 76
B) Giver her the halo ring instead of Parker.
Go to 77
C) Use the halo ring on them.
Go to 78
Bikes with skulls on the headlights roar through the underground city of Skyless.
Using their bikes, the Cosmic Warriors pull the crate to Castle Wraith. They successfully explain to the guards they want an alliance with the Dragon Lord, and this is their peace offering. Once left unattended in a storage room, you and Tiffany sneak out and go inside the air vent. You've never crawled so much in your life, but thanks to her map, you guys make it to the chamber where they are holding Parker. You whisper to her through the vent. She is captivated by you. A huge amount of commotion can be heard going on outside. There are screams and things being destroyed at great speed. Parker looks out the window and quickly comes back to you. She tells you that it's Project Lucifer, sent by her father to bring her back. She gives you a special item, a halo ring, she says its a weapon from her father's plant, which puzzles you, because Nathan Peridot is not suppose to be a weapons manufacturer. She tells you to hurry and leave before Project Lucifer arrives, for he will kill anyone and everyone around here. Your finger brushes on hers as you leave and she smiles.
Go to 86
You and Tiffany go to the chamber where Parker is being held captive. You rescue her, crawling back through the vents and back into the cargo boxes to eventually get out of the castle.
Then the three of you make it to one of the underground rivers. The plan is to get out of Skyless by boat. You hire a boat captain, a jolly little piggy-bot named Boo. The graffiti on the tunnel walls are beautiful. Then you notice a Spanish style galleon with a jolly roger approaches you. The only thing is that this ship is not that much bigger than Captain Boo's boat. Boo apologizes that he must stop the boat, and says that everyone here answers to Isabella, a pirate lady so powerful and ruthless, she rules the rivers of Skyless with an iron fist.
Go to 73
You realize that, if you fight Isabella, you cannot win. Reluctantly, you give her Parker. After her men take her, she announces that she decided to sell Parker to her brother, Captain Orion for big bucks, her crew roars in approval. She also takes your halo ring and Tiffany's demon bat wings. Laughing, her dark hair fluttering in the wind, she takes off in her miniature pirate ship, she calls you handsome and insists that you come see her anytime, and then she gives you a taste of what your missing by mooning you.
Once you get off the river, a tall redheaded female warrior named Crimsonia approaches you, she hands you a metal briefcase stating, special delivery from Nathan Peridot. It turns out that Nathan has found out about you and after his best man failed, to trust his efforts to you. In the suitcase is a mechanical looking glove, and a letter stating that the Wasteland Amazons will assist you, and a brief description on how to use the hi-tech gauntlet.
Go to 64
You tell her that you can't give her Parker. But instead you would give her something more beneficial to her and just as valuable. You offer her the halo ring. Isabella quickly turns into as if you are proposing marriage to her. Parker tries to correct things and tells her that it's the latest weapon produced by her father. She gives a demonstration to impress Isabella. She stretches the ring to halo size and then with a simple hand gesture, commands it to zip through the air and surgically slice through a wooden pillar. Completely infatuated with you, Isabella takes the ring, says she accepts your proposal and would love to be your wife. You are now a pirate married to one of the most powerful pirates on planet Lacudra. Tiffany decides to stay as your first mate and Parker becomes a seaman. An unlikely team up, all aboard together sailing under the jolly roger.
You stretch the ring and it becomes a halo floating above your head, you command Isabella and her crew to back off and leave. Amazingly they agree to do so, because the halo distorted your voice into a hypnotic command. Boo speedily hurries the boat to shore after being chased by none other than the brother of Isabella, Captain Orion. On shore the three of you get chased by the Buffalo Humpers and the Neon Fools. Running for your lives, you notice that the architecture changes, being a mix mash of underground locations this is no surprise, but it's an awesome sight to see. There are blocky concrete buildings, with smooth concrete floors, lots of abstract looking straight surfaces and angles, with steel rails and pipes inhabiting all around. As your running, you notice that your being joined by a gang wearing trench coats and goggles. One guy has a bicycle, some of them have roller skates, roller blades, and skate boards, they all seem to be addicted to fast speed, this is the youngest gang you have seen down in Skyless. They are the Holy Rollers, most hated enemy of the Neon Fools. Their leader Corey is wearing a ton of blocky rings on each hand to enhance punching no doubt. You see the boys free running, they look like flowing water using the environment as they go. Some have special shoes with a wheel at the heel, others have plastic soap looking material on the arch of their shoe that allows them to grind on pipes and bars, sliding away, you understand now why they chose this spot as their turf.
Go to 98
You decide to deal with the Demonraper instead of the Dragon Lord. Your amphibious sled slams into the water, The Dragon Lord commands his men to swim to your sled, like a sea monster, the Demonraper arises from the water. Tentacles come out from his mermaid tail, it drags you and Tiffany into the water. The Dragon mongers capture Parker. In the mean time, your being dragged to an underwater base. Once inside, the Demonraper detaches from the mermaid tail and removes his mechanical lobster claws.
He introduces his body guard, a powerful looking robot named Skylla. The Demonraper rants about his hatred towards society and how his only sanctuary is here under the water. He begins to play his pipe organ like a fiend (Toccata and Fugue in D minor).
A) Escape this psycho.
Go to 82
B) Get to know him better, perhaps he can be a powerful ally.
Go to 83
You decide to take your chances facing the Dragon Lord. Aiming for the bastard with your sled, you see him pull out a giant sledge hammer that makes you utter the words, oh shit. Just before he hammers down, and the sled collides into him, you tell everyone to jump out. As you roll on the ground, you get up light headed hoping the Dragon Lord croaked, but you see him standing there in all his glory. Before you can form the halo, his men capture the three of you and take you back to Castle Wraith. You are put in an arena to fight to the death for his entertainment.
The Dragon Lord allows you to choose your opponent.
A) The Dark Combat Monk.
Go to 92
B) The number 12 ranked knife fighter in the Galaxy.
Go to 94
C) The Wasteland Amazon armed with a spear.
Go to 97
D) Forget this, I'm not gonna play gladiator, I'm escaping.
Go to 99
With a mischievous grin on her face, she apologizes for being a back stabbing pirate, and she takes you all as prisoners. She calls her brother Captain Orion over so that she can sell Parker to him, but she wants to keep you. You release the switch blade in your shoe and kick the nearest pirate in the gut, throwing a few of them overboard, and do some more damage with your lightning knife. Isabella cracks her whip around your neck, yanks it with all her weight and ties you up to the mast. Captain Orion wants to settle who is the better knife fighter. He pulls out his historical stiletto fixed blade and takes the en-garde position. You shine-to-blind with the diamond square prismatic finish on your Karambit knife, it makes him look away, and in that split-second, you hook his hand to get in close, to rip out his jugular. Isabella is ecstatic of your victory and releases Parker and Tiffany. Isabella runs into her brother's ship and comes out with a treasure map. "Anyone up for treasure hunting?" she asks innocently.
Treasure Island Ending
While your having dinner with the Demonraper, you secretly stretch your ring to a halo and hypnotize him, to a deep, deep sleep. You and Tiffany try to act casual in front of Skylla and pretend to go back to your quarters. You sneak past Skylla, and grab the bat pack for Tiffany, and head for the docking station.
A) Take his submarine
Go to 84
B) Take his giant robot
Go to 85
Even though you and Tiffany have become the prisoner of the Demonraper, you have not shown any hostility towards the man, in fact, you have been rather polite. He has made it clear, that he will only treat you like a prisoner, if you warrant it. After a pretty delightful dinner, he introduces himself as Jules, and begins to take a liking to the two of you. He becomes curious about your adventures in Skyless, after you tell him all about it, he agrees to help you get Parker back.
Go to 96
You park the submarine close as possible to Castle Wraith. You and Tiffany begin to equip yourselves with various weapons. Tiffany even finds a trident inside one of the cabins in the submarine. After applying some black face paint in a camouflage pattern, you guys are ready for battle. You mutter to yourself, "Behold the pale horse, the man who sat on him was Death... and Hell followed with him".
Using her batwings, Tiffany, soars through the castle stealing the attention of the guards. Thanks to her, you easily sneak in and rescue Parker. At the designated time, your relieved to see Tiffany waiting for you guys back at the sub. The Dragon Lord is informed of your escape by submarine, furious, he contacts Captain Orion to intercept you.
Soon enough, Captain Orion is chasing you on his shark shaped speed boat, his men use multiple anchors to entangle the submarine. There are tons of boats on the surface looking for you. You quietly crawl up one of them, you see the words ORINOCO written on it, and come face to face with Isabella. Darling! she says, embracing you real tight. She welcomes you aboard and promises to smuggle you out under the nose of her brother, Captain Orion. She pulls open some hatches on the floor of her boat for the three of you. As soon as she sails away from her brother, she let's you guys out and kisses you all over. With her arms wrapped around you, she says the galaxy is for our taking!
Go to 81
You and Tiffany successfully sneak out to the docking station, of this underwater base, taking the giant robot, King Poseidon, you feel safe and sound. You and Tiffany decide to go head towards Castle Wraith to rescue Parker. You pass by a sunken galleon, sharks swim by, it really is majestic down here. Then suddenly, you receive a transmission from the Demonraper himself. You didn't know that he could control the King Poseidon from his underwater base. He turns off all power, and let's his giant robot sink into the deep waters of the Skyless river. You and Tiffany are trapped together buried alive in this steel casket. Eons later, after the river has been frozen by a global ice age, an advanced civilization of robots will discover the giant robot and clone you and Tiffany from your preserved DNA.
Blue Fairy Ending
You and Tiffany crawl your way through the narrow vents, to a location where you can see the courtyard. There, a single man wearing a back pack shaped like a bat with big wings, is devastating the Dragon Lord's guards. He is flying about using a circular saw blade to dispatch the guards. And then you see something unprecedented. The bat back pack fly on it's own like a demonic bat out of hell! The bat pack soars down and hits each surrounding guard one after the other in a single swoop, taking them all out.
As all the bodies collapse, the Dragon Lord steps up. He is armed with a scary looking trench knife. It has a guarded handle that can double as brass knuckles, the blade is triangular shaped. He points the knife at the Winged man and charges like a mad bull. The Winged man flies up in the air with a gracefully, acrobatic flip to dodge the attack and launches his bat pack towards the Dragon Lord's back. The Dragon Lord takes the full blow, and it cracks his helmet into pieces. He slices and dices the Dragon Lord with his circular saw, but to no avail. The Dragon Lord catches him and body slams him with his trench knife, the winged man stops moving.
Go to 91
You call Elizabeth, the Computer Robot Unit on your ship the Varney. Soon, Elizabeth hovers your vampire head shaped craft above King Poseidon. Jules ejects the damaged and useless head of King Poseidon, your ship the Varney docks in its place, forming the new head for King Poseidon. King Poseidon tackles the Muteki and holds on tight, as it bites with the new vampire head. Your spacecraft Varney, begins to drain all the energy out of the Muteki. The monster minotaur Muteki, launches an escape pod with the Dragon Lord inside. King Poseidon grabs it and crushes it to bits. With the help of Jules, you have defeated the Dragon Lord.
You ask Jules what how he's gonna celebrate, he says he's gonna look for a slut and pee in her butt. Totally weirded out by that comment you realize that this Jules has been at sea for too long, you tell him you gotta take Miss Parker back home.
You don't have time for this nonsense. You pull out your lightning knife, and tell the ladies that you don't have time to play. The Wasteland Amazons are unhappy that you refuse to respect their customs, they come at you with their spears. You try to fight them off with your knife, but you are easily cornered like a wild boar. They throw you onto a net and hoist you up, high off the ground. You look at the metal pole your hanging from, and you realize it has a street sign, that reads, 5th Avenue. You look around and notice that there are vague, but still visible road surface markings, you see a non working signal light, far away you notice the remains of the statue of liberty, your on earth... how could this be?
Planet of the Gangs Ending
In your trusty spacecraft, the Varney you head back to your monastery. There, you reveal the true identity, of the Dragon Lord, to your troop leader. He tells you that he will organize an emergency meeting right away, he plans to bring this up to the council, but first, you must unpack and rest. As you head towards your quarters, you suddenly feel a shaking, as if something inside you just left, you open the door, and see yourself seated, on a virtual reality device still operating. You feel pulled and then you wake up on the chair of the virtual reality device. Now you remember this has all been a simulator, to see if you can survive the mission.
Go to 1
Nastia explains that in order to be granted safe passage in the Wasteland Amazon's territory, you must prove your worth by engaging in a wrestling match with one of their meanest and baddest warriors. A strong looking redheaded warrior named Crimsonia appears before you. She is tall like a volleyball player but bigger all over. Strong pale thighs, porcelain face that makes her look like a heartless giant albino snake. Dressed in their traditional wrestling wear, a breechcloth, she looks confident that she can squash you in front of her cheering fans.
A) Pretend to be terrified and maybe they just might let us pass.
Go to 59
B) Make it into a draw and make it look like a good match. You want to look good but also for her to save face.
Go to 10
C) Nobody is going to make me wrestle anybody.
Go to 88
After everyone leaves, you go to examine the body of the winged man, to look for any useful information as opposed to not useful information, because sometimes that comes in handy too when you least expect it. Tiffany gets his bat pack, and the bracelet used to control it.
Dragon Mongers return and find the two of you snooping around. Tiffany helps you battle, but she doesn't quite get the controls for the bat pack yet, and she crashes high up into a window. Your fighting the guards but it's taking too long, the Dragon Lord comes in.
You know you can't win and surrender to him.
Go to 72
Better to face something your familiar with, than to face the unknown. You choose the Dark Combat Monk. The man is wearing a black mask, but because of his weapon of choice you know who it is. Only Brother Abel uses the Kusari Gama, a weighted chain on one end, and a sickle on the other.
You both sit across from each other on the arena floor and begin a Kujikiri tantra, it looks like you guys are battling each other with magic putting curses on each other, but your just increasing your focus before the battle. Shortly after you both jump up ready to go!
His Ninjitsu style is fearsome, and it won't be easy, in fact you may lose your life, but at least you know exactly what you must do. You don't want him to chip away at you from a distance using the weight, so you present your knife, letting him wrap your wrist. The two of you struggle in a contest of strength, your knife is useless, and he is reeling you in to finish you with his sickle. You pull your arm back, and he pulls on it to drag you in for the kill, you use the momentum to throw the knife into his stomach. Then you rush in to finish the job.
Go to 99
You throw repeated heavy, low kicks, to the thigh of the guard in front of you. His thigh cramps up like a charlie-horse, the pain distracts him, and your able to fake him out to land a high kick to the back of his neck, instantly knocking him out. You catch a glimpse of a guy in a veined black mask putting a Dragon Monger in a full nelson swinging him around. Crimsonia is doing the camel clutch on someone using the shaft of her spear yanking their throat. You see Tiffany in trouble so you unlock a shuriken off of your belt buckle, and toss it with all your might, it lands solid taking the guard out. The wave of action moves you, and everyone else, in this battle royal to the tunnels.
Go to 61
If you are to go down, why not take a shot at the title? You request the number 12th ranked knife fighter in the galaxy. They call him Kay Ronin. Kay is armed with a bowie knife with devil horns. Big and wide, this is the kind of knife that can be used for a paddle if necessary. Being an oars man, Kay has a very lean strong body, a death grip and forearms to go with it. For anyone else such a knife would slow them down, but in the hands of Kay, they are a graceful paintbrush of death. You stall the match from starting by requesting to sharpen your knife. You take long as possible, annoying him and everyone in the audience. When the match begins, you tell him your going to defeat him with just your sheath. This rages Kay to know end. He throws his sheath down and comes at you with horrifying speed. Several exchanges are made but your able to hold your own, because the hard plastic sheath is strong, light and durable, acting as a shield. The very moment his knife cuts into your sheath, stuck, it give your a split second to stab him with your knife held in the other hand. He passes onto you the platinum medallion with the number 12 on it.
Go to 99
You recognize his face, he's brother Abel, expert of the Lycan style of hand to hand combat, which specializes in attacking the eyes, nose, ears, but especially the throat. Your an expert of the Strigoi style, which specializes in draining the energy out of your opponent, by using their force against them. You both begin to circle each other slowly. You leave your neck and head open, he pounces, with a combination of clawing and striking techniques. Barely dodging it, you redirect his force, to throw him into the wall head first. The wall cracks his head open. You take the legendary mask.
Go to 16
The Demonraper proudly shows you his giant robot, King Poseidon. The three of you jump in as he navigates the underwater rivers, heading towards Castle Wraith. Once close enough to the castle, the ginormous King Poseidon comes out of the water, the locals drop their jaw at the massive titan. King Poseidon wrecks havoc on the Dragon Mongers.
Soon after, another equally massive structure is in sight, the Dragon Lord's very own giant robot, the monster minotaur called Muteki. The two skyscrapers engage in mortal combat. But finally the Muteki smashes a big chunk off the Poseidon's head. Battered and beaten the Poseidon crumbles and lays flat, down for the count.
Go to 87
You chose the Amazon because she is the least fearsome of the three choices. Her name is Joy, one of the enforcers of the Wasteland Amazons. She has been promised her freedom if she can kill you. You notice that she is about the same size as you are. 150 pounds of muscle. Short brunette hair and loaded with tattoos all over her chiseled physique. You challenge this wild amazon with your lightning knife, she responds by pulling out a crude knife. You out class her, easily landing slashes along her arm. You slap her across the face. She lands a surprising kick on you and tries it again, this time you counter it with a slash on the inside of her thigh. Knowing she doesn't stand a chance, she tosses her knife and takes out her bread and butter, the spear. The reach, the speed, it's too much for you, now a bloody mess, you try to close the distance, but she pretends to stab you right in the heart. Everyone thinks your dead, but over the years training at the monastery, you have learned how to put yourself in a trance to appear dead. To convince the crowd, she urinates on your face, flaunting her victory. She is granted her freedom and later when your body is tossed out of the castle, she sneaks off with you.
Corey tells you that, anyone being chased by the Neon Fools, is cool in his book, he says his best men, the Speed Demons will help. A Holy Roller uses a baseball bat, with nails hammered into the tip, bash a Neon Fool so hard, the poor bastard does a 180.
Corey takes you to a massive slope. He provides an amphibious slay for the three of you. He says, "This is where I say good bye amigos!" And the three of you zoom out of the Holy Roller's industrial turf! At the end of the slope there is a big curve and next to it is a river. Tiffany tells you this is the Demonraper's river and nobody, not even the space pirates dare go there! But then you see the Demon Lord waiting for you at the end of the curve.
You can take your chances with the Dragon Lord, or steer into the river, and get newly acquainted with this Demonraper chap. Truly, you are caught between a rock and a hard place!
The Demonraper is armed with large mechanical lobster claws, a robotic mermaid tail for high speed swimming, scuba tank for air, and a really cool fish face helmet with a fin on top of his head. Let's face it, who wouldn't want a helmet with a fin on their head? The Demonraper is feared by the boatmen for sinking boats and murdering those that come near his domain. It is rumored that he has an underwater giant robot, named Poseidon and a mini submarine called Atlantis which he resides in.
A) Cross towards the Dragon Lord.
Go to 80
B) Cross towards the Demonraper.
Go to 79
You take out your trusty halo ring, and use it to hypnotize the Dragon Lord into attacking his own men. With all the chaos going on, you easily escape the arena. Near the entrance of the Castle, you see a custom RAV4 armored with spikes all over it like a porcupine. You jump in the porcupine RAV4 and haul ass out of there, and soon realize that your being pursued by a custom Nissan D21 pick up truck with a license plate that reads SCORP STNGR. The back has a tank turret armed with a long heavy lance. The lance skewers your vehicle during the hot chase and the two cars eventually crash into a wall. You get out of the car, just as the Dragon Lord staggers out of his. You fill the halo ring with intense emotions from the past, the death of your lover, then you toss the halo ring directly above the Dragon Lord's head, it transfers all the pain and agony into him, making him drop to his knees. Then you call back the halo ring and throw it for his head, hovering and lashing out as if it has a life of it's own, it takes about 5 tries, until it gets stuck in the wall, but the Dragon Lord is severely wounded, he tries to kick you, and strikes at you with his trench knife, you finish him with your lightning knife. You take his trench knife as a souvenir.
Go to 100
All the Dragon Lord's men, the Dragon Mongers, bow down to you for defeating the Dragon Lord. The idea of becoming master, and owner, of Castle Wraith is too tempting even for you. You finally decide to abandon your mission and take over the castle. Immediately, the first thing you do is command the Dragon Mongers to have a wardrobe change. They replace their medieval armor with dark robes. From now on, they are to worship you as their sworn leader and savior. You start a vampire cult called the Blood Rose.