Wednesday, August 8, 2012

NINJA DEATH 3 film review by Wmpyr

Ninja Death 3

I really tried to like this film but honestly it seems like a big mess, the problem may come from the fact that we have a Chinese kung fu production trying to make a ninja flick done in a kung fu style. In fact it really feels like a kung fu flick pretending to be a ninja flick.
Maybe it would make sense if I had seen the 1st and 2nd film, but something tells me yeah right, because it's such a mess I had a hard time understanding the plot but this is what I was able to figure out, I might be totally off, so please forgive me if I am.
Oh and real quick, this film has an intro that really doesn't make any sense but it's cool, the music rocks, it must be some kind of preview type thing, and it starts with some ninjas flipping, the main character oiled up flexing his muscles, and then basically it's just a bunch of fight scenes.
I think the story takes place in China, and the main character is a stud named Tiger. Tiger is half Japanese and half Chinese. The movie starts where he is told for the first time that his mom comes from a powerful family in Japan, and if he sees a masked ninja he must not fight him because it's his Dad. Let's think about that for a second, his Dad is a masked ninja, hmmm, I wonder how many ninjas are masked... how is he suppose to be able to tell which one is his dad?
Anyways for some reason the guy that tells him this dies, yeah he looks like he was hurt for some reason, and then he suddenly seems to commit suicide.
Next we have a topless masked ninja acting feral for some reason, he passes out from the sound of a flute which makes no sense, and he's captured by an old man in a gold ninja outfit who is called the Grand Master, he is the main villain of this film. His special weapons are two club maces that are pretty cool but it gets silly when he starts chain launching the explosive spiked ball which has the ability to return intact even though they explode, and of course the length of the chain is ridiculously long as well.
Tiger has a blind master teaching him martial arts, and he also has an attractive female friend named Sakura who is about his age, and also serves him. by this point you start to figure out that he is some kind of nobility.
Anyways his blind master, tests Tiger one day by attacking him with 3 other masters, one of them has a hump on his back that looks pretty comical, but the 4 of them jump Tiger and Tiger is able to hold his own. So I guess Tiger passed the test. So now he must fight a female ninja which is called a Kunoichi. The female ninja wipes the floor with Tiger.
Then all of a sudden, the blind master and everyone is making a huge deal how they absolutely failed because Tiger is no good. They solve this by giving Tiger a kung fu book. So now Tiger starts training on his own off of a book with really bad drawings. He finds out that the female ninja who beat him was his mom. And the blind master and Sakura who also happens to be a female ninja, were all working for the mom. Now there is huge drama because Tiger is upset that he grew up as an orphan. The mom says she was forced to abandon him, but they don't explain why.
Anyways he needs to become a good fighter so that he can defeat the evil Grand Master. Apparently after training from the book he is ready.
Why they want the Grand Master defeated is a mystery to me.
In the most bizarre scene Tiger's mom brings over Sakura and orders Tiger to sleep with Sakura the night before his big fight with the Grand Master, no kidding, she actually brings Sakura over to Tiger. And when Tiger is like, wtf? The mom gives some elaborate story about a Kung Fu legend that had sex the night before his fight won because he was able to relax of all things, and the opponent that didn't died, so of course Tiger who is probably a virgin sleeps with Sakura who is also probably a virgin, and as you can imagine now they are in love and their mind seems pretty distracted from the big fight.
Anyways by the end of the film, Tiger is fighting the Grand Master and not doing well, suddenly the masked ninja appears in a really cool outfit, and I gotta say the mask is real nice too. Anyways this is suppose to be Tiger's dad, I don't know why he acted like a wild beast at the beginning, but this time he fights like a Kung Fu ninja, father and son get to team up against the Grand Master. Sadly Tiger's dad dies but Tiger is able to defeat the Grand Master. The film pretty much ends here, definitely in the so bad it's good category of film, the memorable characters helps make this interesting, even though there are some huge plot holes.

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